She Doesn’t Need to be One of the Boys
Photo by: Sara Mayes | No Excuses Sportswear
“We need to get her in the boys’ practice room.”
“She won’t lose to girls, she trains with the boys.”
“The girls will never be aggressive unless they practice with the boys.”
These are just a few of the statements I’ve heard other male coaches, coaches who do not coach girls, over the last 4 years. I have been a coach myself for twenty five years.
Five years ago I made the decision to shift gears and help coach our newly founded girls-only wrestling team in Western New York. I learned almost immediately, despite my experience, that I had a lot to learn about coaching female athletes.
The Misconception: Boys Make Girls Better
The biggest misconception I have seen, and have had explained to me repeatedly, is that the girls will only truly become competitive if they practice with their male counterparts.
I have been told repeatedly that the girls who wrestle boys have a distinct advantage because the boys teach them how to be tough:
“Only in the boys’ room can they learn to be aggressive.”
“Only in the boys’ room can they learn the mental toughness wrestling requires.”
Having coached dozens of girls over the past five years, I can say these ideas are absolutely not true. The girls do not need the boys to become “hammers”. They do not need the boys to learn mental toughness.
What Actually Builds Wrestlers
All wrestlers develop through the same principles: repetition and mat time. The mat time for girls is not more valuable if it involves practicing or competing with boys.
Drilling fifty double leg takedowns does not become more valuable because they were drilled on a male partner. The drilling becomes valuable when executed correctly and when the female athlete is acknowledged for doing it well.
Why the Girls' Room Matters
I’ve learned that the vast majority of female wrestlers, and girls who want to join wrestling, do not want to be in the boys room. They do not want to be in a room where they are uncomfortable and feel judged because they are not experienced enough or don’t have a certain body type.
They do not want to be in a room where they don’t feel free to make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes. The girls do not want to be in a room where they may be more prone to injury.
What Girls Actually Need
They need an environment which is supportive and welcoming. The girls need coaches and support systems who want to see them succeed. The girls need space and time to develop. The girls need coaches who care about them beyond their success on the mat. They need coaches to encourage them, while also holding them accountable. The girls also need gear that allows them to feel comfortable and confident enough to compete.
When we began our team, we struggled getting girls to commit to wrestling for the season. They told us they didn’t want to be part of the boys team. The year prior to our first girls-only team, our boys team had zero female athletes.
After we started the girls team, we had eight girls start the season, and five finish. The next year, after the girls learned they could trust us and that they wouldn’t be training or competing with boys, our total shot up to twenty five female wrestlers. Every year since, we have had around twenty girls. Did I mention our school graduates about fifty students a year?
If You Want Girls Wrestling to Grow...
Offer them their own space.
Offer them their own practice times and coaches.
Offer them competitions during which they can be challenged and have an opportunity for success.
Invest in the girls at the same level and same intensity as you invest in your boys. Do not make excuses for why you can’t or why it just won’t work. Do not force them into ill fitting and poorly designed uniforms, singlets which were originally designed with male competitors in mind.
Put them in uniforms designed specifically for female competitors, singlets such as the Gabriella singlet. If you truly want to grow girls wrestling, provide them what they actually want and need. Do not just apply the exact same concepts and principles we use to coach boys.
Girls will not improve because of the boys, they will improve because someone believed in their potential and built space for them to grow.
