What You’re Missing About Coaching Girls, and Why It Matters

Photo by: Sara Mayes | No Excuses Sportswear

Coaching girls isn't the same as coaching boys. But most people don't realize that until they're in the thick of it. For Emily and Pete Dorman from No Excuses Sportswear, stepping into the world of girls wrestling opened their eyes to what was missing. Not only with proper and well fitting gear for girls, but also how we support and foster female athletes so they thrive. This conversation isn't just about singlets. It's about shifting the culture, raising the standard, and showing girls that they deserve more than being included. They deserve to be centered.

What Coaches and Parents Get Wrong

What were some myths or blind spots you carried early on about girls in wrestling? How did experience shift your lens?

Pete: “I thought I could coach them just like I’ve coached the boys. I thought ‘wrestling is wrestling.’ What I learned was some techniques needed to be adjusted. Some language needs to be adjusted. Some traditions or common practices need to be adjusted. Wrestling is wrestling, but the approach is different with the girls. They don’t need kid gloves. They aren’t delicate flowers, but the approach is different.”

A Mom and Coach's Perspective

What did it feel like entering a sport so male-dominated, and how did that shape your view on what girls need?

Emily: “When I went into this, I thought it would be easy to integrate into the sport, both for my girls, and for myself. I was 100% wrong, on both accounts. From gear to mat time to accessibility to competition, it all felt like a fight for our girls. Even the males who claimed ‘support’ always seemed to have a ‘but’ attached to it. When I first began coaching, the number of times I was asked, ‘Where’s your coach?’ was overwhelming, because refs simply weren’t used to a woman in the corner. Boy’s coaches (still, to some degree) didn’t seem to understand the level to which these girls have risen, and often only recognized the talent in the girls who had begun wrestling with them. More than anything, I find that girls need an advocate, a cheerleader, and a soft place to land when they face negativity.”

What do you wish more parents knew about how girls internalize pressure, especially when they’re new?

Emily: “Girls feel EVERYTHING. Every offhand comment, every look, every frustrated parent or coach who wants them to be a certain weight, finish with a certain move, or reach a certain level. When your wrestler is new, the best thing you can offer them is unconditional support and encouragement. They don’t need criticism—they’re already doing that to themselves. They need you to tell them to keep going—keep working when it’s hard. Learn from the losses, find motivation in the victories. Don’t focus on the number of wins she has. Don’t ask about what’s next—let them set the pace and give them the power to choose how badly they want it.”

A Dad and Coach’s Wake-Up Call

As a dad and coach of boys, what caught you off guard about coaching girls?

Pete: “The support the girls show each other is another level. Whether they are teammates or rivals on the mat, the girls show up and support one another. I remember our first competition. Every single girl sat around the mat to support and cheer on the girls who were competing. That was the moment they hooked me. Witnessing that level of support and camaraderie was inspirational.”

Were there specific moments that cracked open your understanding of how differently girls lead, tough it out, or show confidence?

Pete: “We’ve worked with mostly novice girls. We’ve had to start each season at square one. Getting them to the point where it clicks and they understand it has been awesome. There isn’t one instance I can recall, rather it's been more watching them stack victories and slowly building confidence and growing as people. Watching the girl who shows up on day one with her shoulders slouched and barely confident enough to ask a question grow into someone who puffs her chest out and becomes the first in her family to attend college is awesome.”

The Gabriella Singlet Isn’t Just Gear. It’s a Statement.

What happens—to confidence, performance, and retention—when we ignore the need for girl-specific gear?

Pete: “Confidence is drastically reduced, which has a domino effect on performance and retention. Building and maintaining confidence is vital to developing athletes. Allowing something as easily controlled as gear to have a negative impact on confidence is just stupid.”

If you walk into a room and see all the girls adjusting their straps, pulling at their legs, or layering with compression shirts, what does that tell you?

Pete: “It tells me they aren’t wearing the appropriate gear. It tells me they will be distracted in practice and competition. It tells me that they are not focused on what is important, getting better or winning the match.”

What are some common but unspoken discomforts girls face in current singlet designs and how does that impact performance?

Pete: “As a male coach, I had no idea these issues were issues. Having been immersed in girls wrestling for 5 years now, the singlet issues are obvious.  The pinching of the legs happens no matter the level of the athlete. The excess fabric in the small of the back. See-through fabrics. Having too low of a cut in the front, exposing the chest or requiring extra layers. The one no one wants to say, camel toe. They are all obvious when we take enough time to pay attention.”

What would you say to coaches still handing girls singlets designed for boys?

Pete: “I would say, you’re not setting them up for success.  You’re already telling them they aren’t worth providing them the best gear available. Asking them to add uniform layers to make up for inadequate gear is the wrong answer.  Getting them a proper singlet doesn’t cost anymore than the male singlet does.  Let them know they are worth providing the right gear.” 

Fueling the Female Wrestler’s Identity

What are some ways parents and coaches can build up girls in wrestling without making them feel like an exception or novelty?

Emily: “They’re not an exception—but they are special, and they are making history, and they should be encouraged to embrace that. Plan photoshoots and media days, celebrate their strength and their ability to face the enormous challenge of walking on a mat alone with grace and courage. Make them feel like a big deal—not because they’re girls—but because they are fierce athletes doing what most people their age can’t (or won’t).”

How do you talk to girls about owning their strength and presence on the mat?

Emily: “Tell them they’re strong, and teach them how to celebrate what their bodies can do when everything else in our culture is criticizing it. We tell our girls to walk on the mat like they own it—because for the next six minutes, they do. Win with humility, lose with grace. Win or lose, talk about what they learned, not what went ‘wrong’ or ‘right.’ Adolescent girls are some of the most insecure creatures on the planet (I say that as a coach, a high school teacher, and a mom). Wrestling gives them a moment to be entirely self-reliant and to see what they can do. It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny, thin, tall or short—it matters if you’re strong and have heart.”

Wisdom From Experience

If you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice before stepping into girls wrestling, what would it be?

Pete: “Be prepared to learn more than you’re going to teach. I’ve spent countless hours watching videos to get better techniques for girls. I’ve searched the internet for better ways to help them learn. Interacting with and building relationships with the girls has taught me more about wrestling and other things than I ever expected. I’ve easily learned more in five years than I've taught.”

What’s one thing you hope every parent or coach of a young girl wrestler takes away from this conversation?

Pete: “I hope they understand that there is a difference between ‘separate but equal’ and ‘different and less than.’ Women’s wrestling ISN’T the same as men’s. It deserves its own identity, its own framework for coaching and recruiting, its own expectations, and its own gear. Support your girls. Encourage their strength, their resilience, and their ability to work hard and try new things. Be the positive voice in their head that tells them they CAN.”