The Coaching Advice That's Creating Mentally Fragile Wrestlers

"Tough it out." "Don't be soft." "The Champs don't complain." "Leave your emotions at the door."

Just because we have used language and trained wrestlers to “check their emotions,” it does not mean that we have created emotion-less robots. Athletes are not robots, and they do not perform on command without the right tools. They are complex humans like everyone else. And it is time we acknowledged that athletes are ALLOWED to have emotions and it isn’t going to be a threat to their performance. The very thing that is a threat to performance, is creating an environment where athletes push emotions down only for them to escape at the wrong time: in the middle of a high-tension match situation.

Wrestling has notoriously touted itself as the toughest sport on the planet- and we aren’t wrong. Where I believe we have gone wrong is through passing down a misinterpretation of mental toughness that is actually emotional brittleness waiting to shatter under real pressure. The advice meant to build warriors is accidentally creating wrestlers who are one bad call, one tough loss, or one moment of doubt away from complete mental collapse.

The "Don't Think, Just Wrestle" Disaster

We want the best for our wrestlers, and sometimes that means we attempt to fix the issues for them. We do it often, giving what we perceive as completely harmless advice like, “don’t overthink, just go out there and wrestle,” or even, “don’t be nervous, just have fun!” It feels like the right thing to say when we attempt to help them move past the nerves. The issue? We are asking them to bypass the thoughts and giving them zero tools to manage the thoughts.

When the negative thoughts inevitably arise during competition like, "Oh no, I'm gassing," "They’re stronger," "I can't win," they have no framework for handling them. They've been taught to ignore the warning signs, to push the thoughts and emotions away. Only to watch the emotions bubble up and turn into an outburst or an mis-managed match.

Experienced wrestlers know they don't stop thinking, they learn how to train their thinking. They learn to recognize unhelpful thoughts without believing them. They develop cues to redirect focus. They practice thought management like they practice technique. When you tell wrestlers "don't think," you're sending them into mental combat completely unarmed.

The Toxic Positivity That Backfires

We have encouraged athletes to believe that any doubt means they are weak. “Stay positive!” “Just believe in yourself!” And here they are wondering, “if I don’t believe in myself, what’s wrong with me?” This is especially true with females, who are more likely to develop maladaptive perfectionism. This is the kind that paralyzes rather than propels. In wrestling, this manifests as female athletes who need to execute moves perfectly before attempting them in competition, while their male counterparts will attempt moves at 70% readiness and figure it out in live.

And so, a vicious cycle begins: doubt abilities when belief isn't at 100%, chase perfectionism to improve that belief, never reach perfection (because it's impossible by nature), then hesitate in competition because perfection never came.

Real mental toughness isn't about feeling positive all the time or achieving perfection, but about performing regardless of how you feel. When coaches only validate positive emotions, wrestlers never learn to compete through doubt, fear, or frustration. They become dependent on feeling good to wrestle good. They've never learned that you can feel terrified and still take a shot. You can doubt yourself and still finish a takedown.

The "Be Mentally Tough" Command With Zero Instructions

"You need to be mentally tougher." It’s an elusive command. We all hear it, but almost none of us is taught what it actually means or how to develop it. So we end up repeating it to our athletes. Or we tell a newbie they need to be “tougher” or else wrestling isn’t a fit for them.

Mental toughness can and should be developed. Many who have been naturally drawn to toughness over technique or skill development often have it wrong as well. It’s not a character trait your born with, and it includes specific competencies: attention control, energy management, emotional regulation, ability to reset, and the ability to release the pressure. These areas should be the cornerstone to what you are teaching in technique, in drill, in live, in conditioning. We are not interested in fake toughness, that allows room for pitfalls.

Building Wrestlers Who Master their Mindset

Here's what creates truly mentally resilient wrestlers:

Teach Thought Management, Not Thought Suppression

• "Notice that thought. Is it helpful? If not, what's your refocus cue?"

• Give them tools to work with their minds, not against them

Normalize Full Emotional Spectrum

• "It's normal to feel scared. Can you still compete when you are scared? Yes. What’s the next right step?"

• Teach performance through emotions, not despite them

Create Solution-Focused Accountability

• "We own our choices, what can we adjust for next time?"

• Build problem-solvers, not blame-takers

Define and Train Mental Skills

• "Mental toughness means executing your technique under pressure. Let's train that."

• Make it concrete, trainable, measurable

Teach Strategic Reset Protocols

• "Here's your 3-second reset sequence. Let's drill it."

• Give them tools, not platitudes

Build Internal Standards

• "Did you execute your process, regardless of outcome or the technique being perfect"

• Create self-referenced excellence, not other-referenced adequacy

Integrate Life and Wrestling

• "How can we use what you're going through to make you stronger?"

• Teach integration, not compartmentalization

Make Changes in your Room Day-by-Day

Once we recognize the patterns of old, our only responsibility is to make little changes each time we enter the practice room. As coaches (and parents), we also don’t need to achieve perfectionism. Showing up to create a better environment, one that fosters mental fortitude in our culture and training, is what makes big evolutions in our wrestlers’ performance by the end of season.

When coaches evolve from demanding mental toughness to teaching mental skills, they stop creating fragile wrestlers who look tough until they are tested. They start creating anti-fragile wrestlers who get stronger under pressure, who use losses as information to bounce back with strength and gratitude, who see challenges as opportunities to practice their mental system.

Teach your wrestlers how the toughest wrestlers aren't those who never feel weak, but are willing to develop mental tools and flexibility for different mental states.