Your wrestler checks their opponent's TrackWrestling profile: State champion, 35-2 record, ranked nationally. Instantly, their demeanor changes. Stomach drops, tightness in the chest, breathing shallows, that confident warm-up energy evaporates. Or maybe it's a text from a teammate: "Dude, your opponent just teched someone in 45 seconds." Or perhaps it's their own mind: "I don't feel confident today. I'm such a head case. I'm going to lose."

"Tough it out." "Don't be soft." "The Champs don't complain." "Leave your emotions at the door."

Just because we have used language and trained wrestlers to “check their emotions,” it does not mean that we have created emotion-less robots. Athletes are not robots, and they do not perform on command without the right tools. They are complex humans like everyone else. And it is time we acknowledged that athletes are ALLOWED to have emotions and it isn’t going to be a threat to their performance. The very thing that is a threat to performance, is creating an environment where athletes push emotions down only for them to escape at the wrong time: in the middle of a high-tension match situation.

There’s a moment every wrestling parent knows: your daughter’s pacing near the mat, headphones on, zoned in. You say, “Good luck! So proud! Go get ’em!” And in return… an eye roll. Oof. It stings.

But here’s the truth: she’s not ungrateful. She’s overwhelmed. What she needs in that moment isn’t a pep talk, but a space to stay focused. Girls in wrestling are navigating intensity, nerves, and the heavy pressure to perform. Underneath the singlet and headgear is a young athlete trying to stay calm, stay confident, and stay in control. Parents can learn to provide an environment that helps their athlete thrive at competition.

Girls and women’s wrestling is thriving, and as more athletes step onto the mat, it’s crucial for coaches and parents to understand how to support their mental development effectively. While boys and girls share many of the same challenges in wrestling—overcoming setbacks, staying motivated, and managing competition stress—there are differences in how they process and respond to these experiences.

What is your why? Can you even remember anymore? When you do something for so long, its almost inevitable for your 'why' to come into question. Your why is the reason behind your effort. It is what keeps you driven, if you don’t have a why you may be weak when things get hard.